Wednesday, August 19, 2009


A Renewed Faith in Humans:

Let me start by saying the odds of you running into me wearing make-up or jewelry is pretty much nil to none. I got over that mundane ritual many, many years ago. Exceptions to this rule would maybe be a social gathering, a fancy dinner out or something of the likes. Now, I can’t tell you when, where or what the event was but it clearly warranted a round of dress up including make up and a few pieces of my rarest jewel collection. Steinmart’s Finest. At some point in the evening, I had no choice but to remove my wrist watch as my left hand was turning blue and I pretty much lost all feeling in my fingers. Seems that not only have I gained weight in my ass I have also managed to insulate and increase the circumference of my wrist.
Now on any level that’s just bad. Remember when you were young and someone would wrap their thumb and forefinger around you wrist and declare you either small, medium or large boned. I took a lot of pride in my small bone classification even though I knew in my heart that it was some straight up Bull #%&.
I also have small hips and thighs when there isn’t a three inch layer of insulation involved and I’m not talking about long underwear.
Well as the story goes at some point, probably about beer four, I removed and placed my watch in the pocket of my purse and made a mental note to take it out when I returned home. Well I didn’t. Now, as recent as yesterday when I was running from the toothless mother at Target I saw the watch sitting in my purse upon removing my wallet. Again I made another mental note to remove it as soon as I returned home.. Again it just didn’t happen. Are you starting to see a pattern here!

This morning after my morning run I headed for a nearby shoe store to purchase some long over due tennis shoes. My first stop was the Rack Room (Men don’t start getting all excited it’s just a shoe store), where I preceded to sprawl my sweaty self out on the floor, which just so happened to be next to the cashier’s desk. As I’m lacing up the first pair of sneakers a lady walks through the front and claims that she had found “THIS” in the parking lot and then handed the item over the counter to the cashier. Being the nosy Nora that I am I glanced up to see if I could get a quick glance of what THIS” actually was. All I saw was what appeared to be a little blob of silver, which the clerk carefully placed in the cash drawer directly behind the counter. Knowing fully well that I donned no jewelry prior to leaving home, I carried on with my quest thinking only of how nice it was for someone to attempt to find the owner of the item versus hauling ass home with it. Whatever “IT” was? Having no luck with the tennis shoe selection I departed to make my way to another store, which was clear on the other side of town.

After a successful purchase, I headed to my vehicle for the short trip home. Upon retrieving my keys in the parking lot it occurred to me that I had once again failed to remove the watch from my purse. So I decided to just go ahead as a reminder and slip it on my wrist knowing fully well the first thing I would do when I returned home was take it off. IT WASN'T THERE! The side pocket was empty so I frantically started digging to no avail in the bottom of my purse. Nothing! Now this isn’t the most expensive watch on the planet but it didn’t come out of gumball machine either. The painful part was that my husband picked it out, all by his lonesome, as a Christmas present in 2005. SO to say the least it holds quite the sentimental value. I frantically began to tear my car apart and even went as far as to dump the contents of my purse on the front seat. NOTHING! That damn front seat is going to be the death of me. Now I am in tears and my only hope is that it had fallen out onto my desk at home. All of a sudden, like a lightning bolt I get a vision of that handover that just took place at the previous store. No way! But what could I possible have to loose at this point other than a Tag watch. Right? I pick up my cell phone, place a quick call to directory assistance, they promptly connect me to the store and guess what? “THIS” was indeed my watch!

The moral of this story:

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. ~French Proverb

Girl number one could have just as easily driven off with my watch and girl number two could have placed it in her front pocket and carried on with her day. But they didn’t and for that I am thankful.

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