Friday, August 14, 2009

Ok well DAY THREE'S BLOG was supposed to be another topic however when I picked my head off the pillow this morning I had this sneaky suspicion that things were not going to go just the way that I had planned. Ritual is to turn the t.v on, turn the computer on, head to the kitchen for my DIET COKE ( and it has to be cold in a can) and the newspaper. This is how it started:

No diet cokes in a can! Why-because I don’t understand why one week 12 packs are $2.25 and the next week they are 2-12 packs for 9:00. What the hell can happen in seven days that causes diet coke to double. It happens all the time and the results are always the same. I walk away and refuse to load it in my buggy as if the Coca Cola Corporation is gonna really give a rat’s ass. Now understand each and everyday I have to have a cold 20oz Diet Dr. Pepper. Does not matter what time, does not matter where it came from, JUST GOTTA HAVE IT. (drives my mother crazy). Figure this one out I recently went to a particular supermarket all because they had 2 litters on sale for .79 cents-10 limit. Never mind it was 17 miles away and in a part of town where traffic is horrific. There was a bargain to behold. I bought ten bottles loaded them in my car and then contemplated making another pass through the store. Did I mention it was 102 degrees outside. Now that’s just plum stupid! Damn if I didn't leave the grocery and head to the closest convenience store I could find to purchase a 20 oz Diet Dr. Pepper for $1.48. AND THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT.

Second on the agenda
My daughter told me that her rent had to be paid online. I really don’t like paying things on line but hey it’s the way of the world so I did. I plugged in all the info they requested and pushed the Make payment. Voila! Two seconds later I get a conformation that says this transaction has been completed successfully. This was one week ago today. Today in addition to the diet coke problem I open a email titled Funds Reversed. It proceeds to tell me that the account # provided was incorrect. So why the heck did it tell me it was successful. I immediately call the third party rent collector (in San Fransisco-yep you heard me-this is for an apartment in Baton Rouge, Louisiana). He tells me that I have provided the wrong numbers and then begins to recite the numbers that I supposedly plugged in. I kid you not I have never heard of any of those numbers even it you shuffled them around to try to fit. After 45 minutes and still no caffeine I excused myself from the conversation and politely hung up. Well sorta, did I mention I hadn’t swallowed the anti-depressant yet. Dr. Phil says you have to be assertive. So that’s the very approach I took with my next two phone calls. My name is Melissa Aldridge, my daughter is a tenant in your apartment complex. This I my dilemma, blah, blah blah. I will be, from this day forward paying her rent the old fashion way and that is with a check via the United State Postal Service. I will not be paying any sort of late fee and you can rest assured that the checks in the mail. Do you know what she said. Yes ma'am Mrs Aldridge that will be fine. Here is our mailing address. I got my panties in a wad all for nothing.

I won’t bore you with the next mishap other than telling you it concerned a bill that I received in the mail on Tuesday that was due on last Friday. Sure! This phone call clocked in on just under 30 minutes with about 20 minutes listening to a robot. Got real clever and pushed the magic button that takes you to “Do you want to make a payment.” Boy do they answer that extension quickly. I again explain my situation assertively waiting to pull out the boxing gloves. No problem Mrs Aldridge, you are a good customer and you will not see a late payment on your next statement. Foreign accent of course.
My husband was waiting for me to Flat line. Flat lining is his definition of one of my ever so often fits of rage where my neck veins protrude, my skin turns red and my heart beat is visible from afar. I think he was terribly disappointed when it didn’t happen as it is cheap entertainment for both he and the kids.

In case you don’t know I LOVE COMPUTERS. I have had a couple dozen since computers made their first debut. My first computer was about the size of an air condition unit you would find on the side of your house. SERIOUSLY!. You know it was not uncommon for people to do a complete remodel on their house just to house a computer. Think that’s when the 4 bedroom house craze cranked up. Then of course you had to have a big desk, office chair, lamp and of course, a printer. Lets not forget the ever so annoying dial-up. I kid you not I can still hear that noise and I can remember doing a load of laundry while waiting for it to finally connect. I can remember walking down the steps in the dark to get a glass of water and seeing all the little lights on the control panels. It looked like a cock pit!.. I thought I had my very on airplane. Need I remind you of what you had to pay for that monstrosity. You could either send your kid to college, buy a new vehicle or invest in a computer. Now we have gone clear across the spectrum to a “lap top” that you can carry around with one hand, has no plug and is smaller than my ass.
Go figure!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you just HAVE to find a way to narc on Fred about the "fixation" of Finding Nemo-movie watching as you walked through the room right in front of him. It happens to me all the time and I know there are others following your blog that can totally relate. That story was SO hysterical! Allison

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