Saturday, August 15, 2009

I'm sure a lot of you will remember a posting that I made on Facebook a few weeks ago regarding a 5 alarm fire that my husband started in hopes of ridding our yard of some rather large branches that fell out of our trees. This is how the story goes......

Large tree branches fall down, husband starts a huge fire to burn tree branches, husband drags a water hose in case fire gets out of hand, sun is shining, fire gets bigger, hard rain comes out of no where, fire goes out, husband looks completely defeated. wife has to go in house because she is laughing so hard. Wife questions husband as to what other tricks he can do. Husband resorts to alcohol. August 1 at 1:47pm

That very same pile has been sitting there ever since. That would be, if my math is correct 15 days ago. I'm guessing he had recovered his pride and decided to attempt his previously failed act of arson. You know he is known around here for his fires in fact just a couple of months ago he started a fire down on one of our vacant lots only the to have the Madisonville Fire department show up as a result of a complaint. Seems we were in a full fledged drought and I even knew this as we have to pass the fire station everyday where they post a huge sign letting you know if it is okay to burn. I don't know correct me if I'm off base here but I really don't need a billboard on the side of the road indicating weather the the conditions are desirable to start a fire in a dense infested forest of Oak Trees. SERIOUSLY?
But that's just me. I kid you not the winds that day were border lining tropical storm strength. Understand this lot is at the other end of our cul-de-sac and the wind was blowing away from my house so I was completely out of the loop as to what exactly he was doing down there. (For those of you who don't know this, our boat's name is Barking Orders and I can assure you I did not name it nor did I approve of it) But it seems from everyone reactions on the river that the name could not be more appropriate and I'm pretty sure it wasn't named in honor of Fred. What I'm trying to say is if I had known this event was taking place down the road there would not have been a fire because I would have Flat lined (remember yesterday's definition) and called in the Little red fire truck myself. Nevertheless sirens and all, they round the corner at about a hundred. One man, weighing all of about 140 pounds steps out of the fire rig, uncoils a huge hose the size of a large boa constrictor and precedes to douse it out in one little puff all by himself. Come to find out, the fines could have been about the same as our daughter's college tuition for the year but hey who's counting. Now for some reason I think this must have subconsciously shook Fred up because he has yet to successfully complete a trash burning including the reset fire he started today. He knew the forecast was for rain as prior to my leaving we discussed a boat ride both agreeing it was probably going to rain.

Well apparently he decided upon my departure to Baton Rouge this morning he would revisit his failed August 1st agenda. I'm guessing he must have set at the window and waited for me to turn the corner so he could once again make another attempt of simple arson. Here is the chain of events. Wife pulls out of driveway, husband starts fire, fire is approaching 5 alarm status, wife returns prematurely, sky drops out as wife pulling in driveway, fire goes out, wife pees in pants, wife disembarks car. Husband, says 'Don't say one damn word". Wife says nothing as per husband's request. Wife has to go change clothes.

YEP You guessed it, It's just another day of spinning his wheels.

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